-
Continue Reading "And the winner is…"And the winner is…
The 2010 Bad Poetry Contest is now complete, and let me just state that this is further evidence of the rampant use of illegal drugs in this country. We have a number of weiners…
THE EVIL WIND AWARD goes to James L Rubart ("The Great Rudini") for this bit o' badness:
The Wind
The wind came softly, like a cat crawling up on top of my head and settling down for the afternoon,
It wooed me from my complacency, from my depths of malcontent, from my moment of melancholious daydreaming,
It brought upon its unseen arms a dandelion spore which danced upon my ear, carrying with it the promise that spring had arrived and would not be leaving soon,
The wind,
The wind,
The wind,
I stretched forth my hands and embraced my cousin, my brother, myself, my soul,
The wind,
The wind,
The wind.
You read that, and you just realize Jim should never have broken that particular wind. Speaking of foul winds, Betty Castleberry won this year's coveted WORST WINDY CRUD AWARD with a doozy entitled "Life Wind"…
The wind blows life my way
And deposits stuff in my hair
Like molded sprinkly things on doughnutsBut not just in my hair
It leaves trash in my soul
In the deepest, most private part of my soul
Where nothing, not even the wind, should ever go.But now it is there
Like some kind of armed intruder
With a big, evil weaponA weapon that has spikes
And shoots bullets, too
A weapon that will not let me rest
And keeps me awake almost every nightMy torment is awful
Really awful
I just can't explain how awfulBut it is a little bit like
Smelling a skunk
Or watching somebody
Self-pierce their navelWill this black wind ever cease,
Or am I doomed to
Rancid skunk smells forever?The
-
Continue Reading "Newsday Tuesday … But Not Yet …"
Newsday Tuesday … But Not Yet …
The big news today is that the close of this year's BAD POETRY CONTEST is imminent.
In honor of all the wretched rhyming, the overworn words, the meandering metaphors, I'm suspending posting any other news until next week because I can barely stand the thought of it coming to an end.
Somehow moving on with regular business just doesn't seem right until we learn who this year's winner is. How will we ever sleep?
Oh the uproarious nonsense that has been spewed upon the page in the name of bad art. The offenses are too numerous to count. You've all contributed in a profound way to the madness. And you've contributed to my sanity. It's been a crazy week for me, and I personally want to thank you all for keeping me sane.
Who, oh who, will it be?
-
Continue Reading "Bad Poetry ends on Tuesday!"
Bad Poetry ends on Tuesday!
So here's your last reminder… Tuesday is my birthday, and the last official day to enter our annual Bad Poetry Contest. The next day we'll pick a winner, and go back to answering your questions about books and publishing. If you'd like to jump in, today's the day. Just jump to the "comments" section and offer your worst. -chip
-
Continue Reading "The 2010 Bad Poetry Contest continues!"
The 2010 Bad Poetry Contest continues!
Your entries are not being erased! At the bottom of the "comments" section is a small arrow in gold (looks like this: >> ). Just click on that and it'll take you to the next section of bad poetry. Sorry — I do my blog on typepad, and people always have a hard time figuring out why their comment doesn't show up. They think I erased them, but I erase nothing. Join in — go to the comments section and send us your bad poem! -chip
-
Continue Reading "The 2010 Bad Poetry Contest"
The 2010 Bad Poetry Contest
Bad poetry lives!
That's right, the time has come once again to put away childish things and break out with verbal arm farts. Stop the wordsmithing madness and start constipating on wrong rhythms and awful word choice. The 2010 Bad Poetry Contest is here.
For those not in the know, we deal with books and publishing 51 weeks out of the year, answering questions and offering insights to writers and those interested in the world of publishing. But one week out of the year (my birthday week), we set aside the topic of publishing in order to share something much deeper… much more meaningful… and very stupid. In the old British tradition of offering something falsely deep yet with a veneer of thoughtfulness, we hold a Bad Poetry Contest. Each year the readers send in truly horrible poetry, then a team of experts (me…and sometimes Mike, if he's sober and I can convince him to help) offers a thorough evaluation of each piece ("That sucks… but this sucks worse."). Eventually we come up with a winner, who is presented with a truly fabulous Grand Prize. One year it was a 45 record of Neil Diamond singing "I Am, I Said" (which contains these deep thoughts: "I am, i said, to no one there, and no one heard at all not even the chair." Wow. Sing to me, Neil.) Another year it was a very special book that had been sent to me in hopes of finding representation: Does God Speak Through Cats? You see the theme here? We go for a mood of deepfulness and reflectivosity. And YOU need to participate.
This year's Grand Prize? A copy of what has been called "the worst self-published book ever." How to Good-bye Depression is the product of that great writing mind Hiroyuki Nishigaki, who added to its fame by creating this winning subtitle: If You Constrict Anus 100
-
Continue Reading "The Worst of Contracts"
The Worst of Contracts
Dale wrote to say, "You've told us some things to look for in publishing contracts. What are some of the BAD things you've seen in contracts?"
First, let me say that I think it's great Dale wrote to me, so that I can legitimately use a joke about "Chip and Dale." I've seen some really, REALLY stupid things in book publishing contracts. Some examples:
1. A contract with no title listed and no description of the project. So you're on the hook for…who knows what?
2. A grant of rights that includes everything, including if you ever decide to write or speak on this topic again sometime in this lifetime. (Keep this in mind when looking at the conflicting publications clause — it's reasonable to expect a publisher gets a window in which the author is focused on their contracted title. It's not reasonable to make that a lifetime ban on the subject for an author — something I've seen.)
3. A description of the work so broad that you would be considered in breach of contract should you write a thank you note to your Aunt Agatha for sending you that bad Christmas sweater.
4. An advance that needs to be paid back should it not earn out. Paid back?! This is an "advance against royalties," not a loan. For crying out loud — why not ask 'em to fill out an application?
5. Royalties that DROP when more copies are sold. (No kidding. Read the fine print.) Take a look at the contracts of some publishing houses — if your book is sold at a reasonable discount, they'll cut your royalty in half, leading the sales team to SUGGEST THAT VERY IDEA to accounts. Great plan.
6. Some contracts have words that basically say, "If we re-sell the idea to other people, we get to keep all the money." I've seen this happen a couple
-
Continue Reading "NEWSDAY TUESDAY …"
NEWSDAY TUESDAY …
No dance photos to dazzle you with this week. Unless someone from the
Oklahoma Writer's Conference this past weekend has pictures
of a few of us two-stepping it up at The Rodeo on Saturday night — a real live cowboy dance hall, complete with live bull riding. Poor Bulls.We've recently landed several very cool deals I can't wait to mention … but we're still waiting on contracts – which means you'll have to wait for the news.
Plenty of other stuff to mention, though…
CONFERENCES, SEMINARS, APPEARANCES
Chip is heading to Orlando this weekend where he'll be hosting a
fiction writers retreat with Lisa Samson and Susan Meissner. If you're
in the area for the weekend, contact the coordinator at tiffcolter at
gmail.com – there is likely room for a couple more folks. Mention that
you saw the last minute post on the blog and Tiff will let you know if
discount is available.Sandra is making her way north this weekend (May 7-8) to join authors
and faculty Northwest Christian Writer's Renewal in Seattle.Later today, May 4th, Sandra will be interviewed about God's role in
her career over at www.christiandevotions.us. An archive of the show
will be available in case you care to catch it later.MacGregor Literary author Janice Thompson officially debuted her online
course "Becoming a Successful Freelance Writer" last week. Check out
the course on her website – www.freelancewritingcourses.com or on
YouTube.REVIEWS/RANKINGS
Publishers Weekly called Gina Holmes CROSSING OCEANS (Tyndale) a
"haunting tale that packs an emotional wallop." and warned readers to
"keep tissues near."Carla Stewart's upcoming June title, CHASING LILACS
(Hachette/Faithwords) is also receiving a lot of attention. In addition
to being reviewed in Library Journal, receiving a starred review in
Publishers Weekly; mention in Library Journal; Reviews in PW (a starred
one), Library Journal, and Christian retailing.
http://www.christianretailing.com/index.php/product-news/books-mainmenu-8/book-reviewsIrene Hannon's AGAINST ALL ODDS (Revell) remains within the top 20
-
Continue Reading "What a novelist needs to know about marketing"
What a novelist needs to know about marketing
Jay asked, "In your view, what are the essential things a novelist has to understand about marketing?"
I talk about marketing a lot, Jay, so let me see if I can simplify it…
1. YOU
Author, YOU are responsible for your marketing. Not the publisher. Not the agent. You. The publisher and agent will both help, and they ought to bring something to the table or they aren't doing their jobs. But the book is yours – nobody else knows it as well as you do. Nobody else is as enthusiastic or as committed to it. Nobody else has as much riding on it. So give up any illusion that the publisher is going to take over your marketing – I'm just not seeing that very much any more. If you don't take charge of your marketing, it won't happen.
Just reading over those words, I realize that, for many authors, this is tough to hear. But I'm serious — I never hear an author say, "Gee, I'm thrilled with the marketing my publisher is doing on my book." Instead, I generally hear authors grousing about the crummy marketing or the little work being done. And my response from now on is going to be to tell the author to change his or her perspective. Start being appreciative of the few things your publicist gets right. Start saying "thanks" more for the fact that your publisher is doing ANYTHING. And then just go do the rest of it yourself.
2. PLAN
To do that means you're going to have to educate yourself. Just as you've had to learn the ropes of how to write well, I think most of us are going to have to learn how to market well. You'll have to pick up a couple of marketing books, maybe attend a marketing class or seminar, and do some digging to figure out what makes a good marketing plan.
-
Continue Reading "Three Spiritual Disciplines for Writers – A Guest Blog"
Three Spiritual Disciplines for Writers – A Guest Blog
We're enjoying a happy day here at the office — three authors named as Christy finalists, Irene Hannon hitting the bestseller list for the third time in a row, the big online launch party for Gina Holmes' fabulous debut novel CROSSING OCEANS. A good day all around — and the perfect time to invite an author I represent to do a guest blog. Keri Wyatt Kent, who has written several very thoughtful books, checks in with her ruminations on the spiritual side of writing. You should check out Keri's books REST and SIMPLE COMPASSION — fascinating stuff…
Those of us who dare to write about the spiritual life face a daunting challenge—how do we practice what we preach? How do we keep our writing authentic? As we “write for God,” how do we tend our own souls?
Spiritual disciplines are simply practices of faith that create some space in our lives for God. If you have ever sat down to read your bible or pray, you’ve engaged in spiritual disciplines. But there are many other disciplines that will help us to grow, while ultimately improving our writing.
It’s important to listen to God’s direction on which disciplines are needed in our lives. God may call us to embrace solitude and silence for a season. He may ask us to build trust by giving.
The most commonly practiced disciplines are study and prayer—also called solitude or quiet time with God. Writers need these. But here are three other spiritual disciplines that I have found a particularly helpful as a writer:
1. Community. But we also need the balance of authentic community. Writing is a solitary venture—we bravely face a blank page, alone but for the thoughts in our head. We need the discipline of setting aside our work to connect with others—and not just via Facebook. God may speak to our hearts, but we need to test those leadings with
-
Continue Reading ""
Dennis Hillman, Publisher at Kregel, offered an excellent response to my post about "what is reasonable in a book contract" a couple days ago. If you're interested in a publisher's perspective, go to the comments section and read his thoughtful response.
And BIG NEWS: Three authors I represent are finalists for the Christy Award (the books of the year awards in Christian publishing). Lisa Samson's THE PASSION OF MARY MARGARET is in the stand-alone novel category; Mark Mynheir's THE NIGHT WATCHMAN in the "suspense" category; and Kaye Dacus' STAND IN GROOM in the "contemporary romance" category. Congrats to Lisa, Mark, and Kaye!
And one very cool side note… Jeff Gerke, publisher at startup Marcher Lord Press, also saw one of his books named as a Christy finalist. To me, that's a very cool thing — one of the new, small houses up against the Big Boys. Gotta love it. Congrats, Jeff.