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      Category : Deep Thoughts

      • April 27, 2012

        Who do you do with a bad review?

        by

        Colleen wrote me and said, “I just got a terrible review on Amazon. I hate even going there to look at it. Tell me, what do you do with a bad review?”

        It’s one of the things unpublished authors don’t realize… once you put something into print, it’s there forever. If you say something stupid, and you’re stuck with it. You can go to the person and apologize, but the words are still out there, waiting to be discovered by millions of other potential readers who will never get to hear your personal explanation or apology. 

        Writing is a scary thing.

        I’ve often done fairly blunt assessments of books and articles, and at times I’ve hurt people’s feelings. But I never set out to do that. I mean, it’s not like I saw the book, didn’t like the author, and decided to toast them just for fun. When I’ve said something was stupid or badly written, it was because I was trying to offer an honest evaluation of a project. But that’s not universally respected. Let’s face it — plenty of people ONLY want you to stay something nice, or to say nothing at all. 

        So if you’re asked to review a book that’s awful, what are you supposed to do? Lie about it? It seems to me like the best thing to do is to be honest but as gracious as possible, speaking the truth (or at least the truth as you see it) in love. It’s those sorts of jobs that can get you into trouble.

        Unfortunately, a bad review like that can hurt an author’s career (to say nothing of the author’s feelings). So I find that when I’m simply asked to review a book for a friend, I tend to simply stay away from reviewing a book I didn’t love. That means the title will get a falsely-positive set of reviews, but  I don’t have to

        Continue Reading "Who do you do with a bad review?"

      • February 18, 2012

        The Elevator Pitch (a poem for all you going to conferences)

        by

        The Elevator Pitch
        by Mark Glenchur

        The elevator doors clanged shut.
        I did not say a word
        To the other fellow in the car
        But suddenly I heard:

        “Are you that famous editor?
        Say, I’m a writer, too!
        You see, I wrote this manuscript—”
        I thought, How nice for you.

        Alas, he did not hear my thought
        And babbled like a brook:
        “In fact, I have it with me now.
        You want to take a look?”

        Of course I did. Why else was I
        Alive, except for that?
        I checked the panel: second floor,
        Three dozen from my flat.

        Then, from his knapsack he withdrew
        A folder one inch thick.
        At least it wasn’t two. And yet
        I started feeling sick.

        He proudly plunked it in my hands.
        My feverish pulse raced.
        Four hundred-twenty pages. Times
        New Roman, single-spaced.

        I had a minor heart attack.
        No matter, chapter one:
        “It was a dark and stormy night.”
        My kingdom for a gun…

        A plastic smile upon my face,
        I tried to read some more.
        I sneaked a glance; the panel said
        We’d reached the thirteenth floor.

        Thus, five-and-twenty floors remained.
        I did not think I’d last.
        Page two: already, he had killed
        Off half his starting cast.

        I fought the urge to rip the sheet
        In twain before his eyes.
        I kept on reading, but resolved:
        The next such “author” dies.

        I have to say, I’ve never seen
        A rough draft so…unique.
        I almost thought, at first, the man
        Had written it in Greek.

        But, fortunately, I know Greek;
        I learned it as a lad.
        Yet this man’s Greek, if Greek it were,
        Was bound to drive me mad.

        His grammar seemed a Frankenstein
        Of Martian, French, and Dutch.
        (Yes, I know Martian, though I do
        Not really speak it much.)

        His use of punctuation looked
        Like dominoes, or Braille,
        Or Morse code, or a gambler’s dice,
        Continue Reading "The Elevator Pitch (a poem for all you going to conferences)"

      • January 13, 2012

        Failing Forward – a guest blog by Alton Gansky

        by

        A 2010 issue of Wired magazine contains “The Master Planner,” an article/interview with Fred Brooks, an early computer programmer and former department head for IBM. Thirty-five years ago he wrote a small book, The Mythical Man-Month in which he argued against the idea that two programmers can achieve twice as much work as one in a month. This became known as “Brooks Law.” He has written another new book The Design of Design, a collection of essays dealing with leadership, hardware systems, and more.

        Two comments from the interview caught my attention; comments that deal with life and creativity. Author/editor Kevin Kelly brought up a statement Brooks made about some of his early work. Brooks called the IBM 360 OS “the worst computer programming language ever devised by anybody, anywhere.” When Kelly asked him about the frank self-appraisal, Brooks said:

        "You can learn more from failure than success. In failure you’re forced to find out what part did not work. But in success you can believe everything you did was great, when in fact some parts may not have worked at all. Failure forces you to face reality.”

        This bit of honesty is difficult for some to swallow. People in my profession are often insecure about their work and become defensive. Who can blame them? They work alone and try to create from nothing a piece of work that will entertain, educate, and please not only readers but a phalanx of editors, pub boards, professional reviewers, amateur reviewers, bookstore managers, and more. Sometimes writing for publication seems akin to baring one’s back for flogging. So, we become sensitive souls; tender in all the wrong places.

        Writing, however, is a craft and an art, one which requires the writer to have the guts to commit to self-examination. You need to know this: I am the poster boy for insecurity. I always have been. I’ve felt that way in every career I’ve had–and I’ve had several of them. Yet I’ve learned that creative growth comes

        Continue Reading "Failing Forward – a guest blog by Alton Gansky"

      • January 13, 2012

        Failing Forward – a guest blog by Alton Gansky

        by

        A 2010 issue of Wired magazine contains “The Master Planner,” an article/interview with Fred Brooks, an early computer programmer and former department head for IBM. Thirty-five years ago he wrote a small book, The Mythical Man-Month in which he argued against the idea that two programmers can achieve twice as much work as one in a month. This became known as “Brooks Law.” He has written another new book The Design of Design, a collection of essays dealing with leadership, hardware systems, and more.

        Two comments from the interview caught my attention; comments that deal with life and creativity. Author/editor Kevin Kelly brought up a statement Brooks made about some of his early work. Brooks called the IBM 360 OS “the worst computer programming language ever devised by anybody, anywhere.” When Kelly asked him about the frank self-appraisal, Brooks said:

        "You can learn more from failure than success. In failure you’re forced to find out what part did not work. But in success you can believe everything you did was great, when in fact some parts may not have worked at all. Failure forces you to face reality.”

        This bit of honesty is difficult for some to swallow. People in my profession are often insecure about their work and become defensive. Who can blame them? They work alone and try to create from nothing a piece of work that will entertain, educate, and please not only readers but a phalanx of editors, pub boards, professional reviewers, amateur reviewers, bookstore managers, and more. Sometimes writing for publication seems akin to baring one’s back for flogging. So, we become sensitive souls; tender in all the wrong places.

        Writing, however, is a craft and an art, one which requires the writer to have the guts to commit to self-examination. You need to know this: I am the poster boy for insecurity. I always have been. I’ve felt that way in every career I’ve had–and I’ve had several of them. Yet I’ve learned that creative growth comes

        Continue Reading "Failing Forward – a guest blog by Alton Gansky"

      • January 6, 2012

        The Dark Files

        by

        Tim wrote to ask, "So what's the worst stuff you've been sent this past week?"

        1. A guy sent me a proposal this week detailing how we can reduce the instances of sexual abuse and the problems caused by adultery in our culture. His solution? Voluntary castration. No, I'm not kidding. Huge appeal in THAT idea. Though I suppose it would, um, trim the problem. (Sorry.) A very circumspect idea, don't you think? 

        2. A woman sent me a very brief query to tell me she has written a 20,000-word memoir (that alone gets me all excited — just think of all those popular 80-page books you've been buying) about "the times I brought drugs to school." Very uplifting.

        3. One poet (YES! A POET!) sent me a book of "poems about anti-terrorism." Really. And it's only 607 pages long. REALLY. 

        4. One proposal began by warning me that "the next 27 pages  will forever change your thoughts on reality as it truly is, either now, or when it’s too late; and that is because the beginning of the end has arrived for all civilization." Amazingly, my thoughts weren't changed after reading his work. 

        5. One gent sent me a query that's in ALL CAPS (a sure sign an author's brain cells are running low) to ask, "ARE YOU A REAL AGENT? A REAL AGENT DOESN'T TURN DOWN ANYONE AND IF YOU ARE YOU CAN GET ME THE BOOK DEAL I WANT." Great. An expert. Nothing like a man who knows his own mind. Or what's left of it.

        6. Here is the opening sentence from one fabulous project I received this week: "The time has come for us all as human beings to closely examine ourselves through only the words of God without the opposite words of man that only distort absolute truth concerning all of humanity." I'm sure he's deep. I still have NO idea what he just said. 
        Continue Reading "The Dark Files"

      • January 6, 2012

        The Dark Files

        by

        Tim wrote to ask, "So what's the worst stuff you've been sent this past week?"

        1. A guy sent me a proposal this week detailing how we can reduce the instances of sexual abuse and the problems caused by adultery in our culture. His solution? Voluntary castration. No, I'm not kidding. Huge appeal in THAT idea. Though I suppose it would, um, trim the problem. (Sorry.) A very circumspect idea, don't you think? 

        2. A woman sent me a very brief query to tell me she has written a 20,000-word memoir (that alone gets me all excited — just think of all those popular 80-page books you've been buying) about "the times I brought drugs to school." Very uplifting.

        3. One poet (YES! A POET!) sent me a book of "poems about anti-terrorism." Really. And it's only 607 pages long. REALLY. 

        4. One proposal began by warning me that "the next 27 pages  will forever change your thoughts on reality as it truly is, either now, or when it’s too late; and that is because the beginning of the end has arrived for all civilization." Amazingly, my thoughts weren't changed after reading his work. 

        5. One gent sent me a query that's in ALL CAPS (a sure sign an author's brain cells are running low) to ask, "ARE YOU A REAL AGENT? A REAL AGENT DOESN'T TURN DOWN ANYONE AND IF YOU ARE YOU CAN GET ME THE BOOK DEAL I WANT." Great. An expert. Nothing like a man who knows his own mind. Or what's left of it.

        6. Here is the opening sentence from one fabulous project I received this week: "The time has come for us all as human beings to closely examine ourselves through only the words of God without the opposite words of man that only distort absolute truth concerning all of humanity." I'm sure he's deep. I still have NO idea what he just said. 
        Continue Reading "The Dark Files"

      • October 25, 2010

        All Good Things Must Come to an End

        by

        Think about this for a minute…

        4 years.

        Hundreds of posts. 

        250 average readers per day. 

        A half-million visitors. 

        Time to hang it up. 

        I've said what I have to say, and while there are still questions out there (including about 300 in my in-box that I meant to get to), I'm going to wrap it up. I feel like I've said plenty, I'm starting to go over some of the same material, and I need to just go focus on the authors I have the privilege of representing. So I'll blog once more, to say good-bye, but then I'm done. I'm going to fold up my tent, cash in my soup ladle, hand over my keys, and all those other overdone metaphors for wrapping it up. 

        No more blog posts. No more bad poetry. No more whining about dopey queries and stupid ideas. No more offending the faithful. Time to spend my words on something else. I'll leave it all up, so you can wander through the archives a bit (once more, for the hundredth time — if you come to the bottom of the page and see a little yellow arrow that looks like this > , there are more pages to see on the topic). But I'm done. It's been fun. 

        Chip

        Continue Reading "All Good Things Must Come to an End"

      • October 11, 2010

        Getting To Know Us

        by

        We've had a bunch of "get to know you" questions lately, so I thought I'd group several of them together…

        Andrew wrote to say, "You used to be a publisher with Time-Warner — why did you go back to agenting?"

         

        I love agenting. I enjoy working closely with authors, doing book development, planning careers, and spending time talking over projects. Actually, I never really got comfortable in my role as publisher – I always felt like a “suit.” Much happier being back on the agenting side of the desk.  

        Janice asked this: "It seems like you and Sandra have had a lot of success in a short time — to what do you owe your success?"

         Most likely it’s my good looks and Scottish heritage. But aside from that, I have a pretty good eye for writing. And let’s face it – an agent is only as good as the authors he or she represents. If I’ve had good success, it’s because I’ve had the privilege of representing really good writers. Go to my web site, select any author, and read a novel… all of them can write. That’s the main reason I’ve been successful.  

        Jim wants to know, "What types of projects do you get excited about?"

        I always tell authors at writers’ conferences that I’m looking for “books that change me.” It’s true. I get excited about reading a book that will leave me changed, since I know it will have the potential to significantly impact readers. I also look for a strong voice – your book shouldn’t sound like everyone else’s book. If there’s great writing, a strong voice, and a message that has the potential to change me as a reader, I know I’ve got a winner.

        Dana asked, "Are there stories that you know right away you're going to be tired of?"

        Sure – The tough-guy hero opens his eyes,
        Continue Reading "Getting To Know Us"

      • August 24, 2010

        When Good Titles Go Bad – from Amanda Luedeke

        by

        Going Nude: How I Kicked an Addiction, Gained a Dress Size, and Discovered the Real Me

        The above title is a fictional example of a writer being too clever for her own good. Sure, it has everything. It’s perfectly-structured, in that the subtitle properly explains what the book is about, while the main title merely suggests at awesomeness. It has wording that makes passersby do a double-take. It’s catchy, relevant and zeroed in on its target audience.

        And yet … it’s the very type of title that is exactly what a publisher asks for but not what they want.

        Let’s break this down:

        1)    Shock-value Words. SEX! PORN! DRUGS! SEX AGAIN! This is a serious soap box of mine. I’m sick and tired of writers trying to grab my attention with shock-value words. The worst part is they usually appear just like that … lined up in all caps. The truth of the matter is, yes, publishers want a title that grabs attention. One that’s in your face and, to some degree, shocking. But they’re never interested in titles that are offensive. Or creepy. Or just plain in bad taste. Though GOING NUDE would maybe fly with some publishers, others would simply roll their eyes and toss it aside. Because shock-value words always come across as cheap. Not to mention they tell the publisher that the author’s plan for selling the book has everything to do with a great title and cover. (And in case you haven’t heard Chip’s story, that plan’s already taken… by the publisher).

        2)    Unintentional negatives. Even though the title clearly indicates that the author’s increased dress size did nothing to damage her confidence, appeal, or looks, readers aren’t going to see it that way. Imagine yourself in a bookstore, desperately looking for the perfect book to give your sister who’s struggling with an addiction. Are you going to choose the title

        Continue Reading "When Good Titles Go Bad – from Amanda Luedeke"

      • August 17, 2010

        12 Deep Thoughts from my Mailbox

        by

        So I went to check my mailbox today. In it was….

        1. A proposal with a cover letter that starts with the words, "Firstly and most importantly…"

        2. An incoherent sci-fi book proposal (even though it says clearly on my website that I don't do sci-fi) that was something about children, dogs, demons, and a white vase. No idea what the story was, although I'm sure it had deep meaning. 

        3. A proposal from a guy whose mailing address is a correctional facility.

        4. Two action-adventure novels,  neither any good, and both sent to me by people who haven't spent five minutes on my website to figure out who I am or what I'm looking for. One began with the words, "Dear Agent." The other had my name, and began with the words, "You probably won't like this, but…"

        5. A nonfiction book by a guy who claims that to become a Jesuit priest you have to murder a protestant (um… I'm not making that up).

        6. One very nice card from an author.

        7. Random business crap (apparently every bank on earth wants to offer me a credit card).

        8. A letter from the AARP. NO KIDDING. THE AAR-frickin'-P! Like they think I'm old or something.

        9. Two new books I represented — Lisa Samson's wonderful new novel RESURRECTION IN MAY, and Chad Gibbs' hilarious look at the role of faith and fanaticism in SEC football, entitled GOD AND FOOTBALL. 

        10. And a letter from a woman who sent me an unsolicited proposal for a book about her abortion. I sent back a short note saying that the book she's created won't sell, that there's no market for the book she is proposing. Her response was to send me this note:

        Hatcheting? Demolishing slowly? Destruction? Is that not your very identity? Your cruelty oozes. Do you perpetrate this innate meanness onto other writers? You haven't so much as

        Continue Reading "12 Deep Thoughts from my Mailbox"